Last night really threw a wrench into my brain. It all started with Tek wanting to know if I wanted to go out and bar hop with him so he could chill with this chick he likes. Well, liked. It's a weird story, so
bear with me.
First, we hit up HJ's. He had a few drinks and we played darts, probably for about an hour or so. We were just killing time so that we could go meet up with his sister and wait for the chick he's into. So went left
HJ's and went to PJO. After being at PJO's for a little bit, someone I hadn't seen in about 3 and a half years pops through the door. BLoz. Bloz is CLoz's brother. He grabs a beer and grills me. I walk over to him.
Me: Hey BLoz, how ya been?
BLoz: Look at this fucker. Ya disappear 3 and a half years ago and you finally surface! (he attempts a nipple tweak)
Me: Haha yea. It's been a while
BLoz: Can I get you a drink?
Me: Nah, I'm playing DD tonight. Weird right?
BLoz: That's cool man, it's good to have someone be responsible
Me: Yea haha. So weird being in a bar and sober!
BLoz: So who you playin with these days? When are you playing out again?
Me: I haven't really played much in the last 2 or so years...
BLoz: You're so full of shit
Me: No, seriously.
BLoz: I can't believe that... come on man, give me something
Me: There's nothing to really tell. I grew out of it *shrugs*
BLoz: You're so full of shit. You're telling me you're letting all that talent go to waste?
Me: Hahaha, seriously...there's nothing to say
This went on for about a half hour. He told me he had a picture of his brother, CLoz, and I in a photograph on his wall from when we had played out in Massachusettes one night. He even went as far as saying that
CLoz had told him that I could run circles around him with playing guitar (which I don't believe, CLoz is a shredding master). Music is such a weird topic with me. I'm scorned, yet in pure admiration with it, though
it is something I had given up on. I think I became soured after the experience in Virginia, with being in that "almost made it" position. I remember a few years back, maybe 2 and a half to 3 years, I was flown down
to Virginia to record a song with an artist way out of my normal genre (Country, blech), but that's the last "real" thing I've done with music. When I was in Seven Falling with CLoz, we were pretty good with a few exceptions
to the line up, but regardless of that situation, it wasn't the style of music I wanted to play, but rather listen to. After that band was done, half of us formed the new band Pulse Point, which was more of what I wanted
to play, though the issues from the previous band remained, mainly due to the drummer. We fired him after we opened for Overkill, and then the singer left. Finding replacements were quite easy, so the new band formed as
Away From the Sun.
Away From the Sun was what I wanted out of a band, more or less, anyway. Some blazing guitar riffs, some melodic and soothing melodies, and even CLoz came down to jam with us once in a while. The real problem lied this time
with the bass player. We had a show at Mill Street, and CLoz had attended. In the middle of our set, in between songs, CLoz comes up to me and tells me my guitar is out of tune. Curiously I plucked away and I was puzzled to what
he was talking about. He had this odd look of "what the fuck" going on and walked back into the crowd. After the next song, he comes over and tells me that it's the bass player. So I walk over to the bass player and ask if the bass
was in tune. Sure was. I asked what notes were being played and I get this stare of confusion, like I had just asked how to solve the equation for cold fusion. After the show, the bass player quit, either for personal reasons or maybe
the singer had said something. I just said I'd go over the songs so that way we'd both be in key. Good riddance though. We took a break, and that break lasted...well... 3 years and counting. The singer had to leave due to work
conflicts, and while he was an awesome guy to bullshit with and hang out with, he wasn't that great of a singer. I should be fair, he was mediocre. The drummer and I continued on for a few months, but eventually just called it
quits. I was so worn from the constant struggle with writing music and lyrics, and I just needed to take some time away from it all.
I ended up starting to take classical piano lessons, which were going great, but things came up and I couldn't dedicate enough time for practicing and such, so that fell by the wayside.
In the last 3 years, I think I wrote 2 songs - one for the screen play, and one for <3. I struggled so hard for the lyrics for <3's song; I figured everything had been done and over with music wise. I did attempt to start a band
with one of Ace's coworkers a few months back, but that lasted all of 1 day since I don't want to play punk music. Aside from a small handful of times, I haven't touched my guitar.
After last night, it really made me wonder. Am I really doing the right things here? Am I going to regret the choices I've made in the last few years and in the upcoming years if I don't give it another shot? On top of all the thoughts
going through my head already, this didn't need to be added. It really brought back the one thing that I had buried away and tried to forget, and as corny and lame as this may sound, that is to have just one song that I've written mean something
to one person, I don't care who, but mean something to them like a lot of songs I listen to mean to me. Not that they have any direct correlation with my life or situations, but the memories associated with them. Like when I was 15, my brother and
I drove down Atlantic Ave, the ocean front, blasting The Offspring from his VW. Or when I went to my great grandmothers funeral, The Offspring song "Gone Away" was playing, so whenever I listen to that song, I think of her. Or the night
my grandfather passed away, my neighbors and I were watching MTV because Metallica had a special on - Reload, Rehearse, Request, and they played their song "Low Man's Lyric", which, although having nothing to do with death, had that melody that
really just embedded itself into my brain. So what's stopping me from having that same effect on someone else? Besides the probability of getting recognized and the music out there, it would be myself. Maybe I'm afraid of failure, or maybe
I'm just being realistic. I know if I resort to the music scene again, I'll end up disappointing a lot people, though maybe something great will come from it. I'm not sure I want to take the risk.
On top of all that, I truly have no idea where things are going with <3. All I do know is that I want her to be happy, regardless if that involves me or not.
