I find it kind of funny, and sad, that the best dreams I have are the ones of me dying. I've been having very interesting dreams lately,
and they seem so very real; as if it's actually happening while I'm sleeping. Some things seem to happen by coincidence, or maybe it's power of suggestion;
I can't be sure at the moment.
I've felt a lot of anxiety building up lately, more than it should. I do feel as though this year is going to be mixed with very, very bad things, as well as
very good things. I don't see the good things outweighing the bad, however, which kind of worries me. Not as much as the dreams.
This morning I woke up at 3:38 AM, according to my alarm clock. A streak of fire blazing down from above me cutting a path between myself and someone else, and a
white kitten walking through as if the blaze didn't exist had struck me out of my slumber. I stared at the television, which had a dance movie on, confused as I
wipe the sleep from my eyes. Looking around to observe the things around me, looking for any sign of me being actually awake, I reach for my cigarettes and stare
at the movie. As I continue on with watching the end of the movie and smoking my cigarette, I start going through the same thoughts as I had a year prior, with dreams
similar (instead of fire, add water and asphyxiation), but the feeling and emotion were far from foreign. Dreams of death signify a change in your life that will be
very significant in one way or another. An event, or series of events is about to happen, and I'm not sure of what the outcome will be or what the events are.
Thousands of thoughts have been flying through my mind lately as well; all scattered and disorganized. Thoughts about the past, present, and future all spread about
before me, as if they were pictures that could be put together in a timeline, though most things I can't keep my attention on long enough to realize what I'm thinking.
My vision has become a haze. Possibly a reflection of my emotions, or maybe just reminding me what I shouldn't do or implying that I've grown stronger from the past. But
have I? Am I strong enough to endure whatever this world has to throw in my direction? Can I dodge out of the way in time before it's too late, or am I suppose to get
hit with it?
I heard a song today that opened up the floodgates for mass confusion today as well. It's been nearly 6 years since I heard the song, and it reminded me of the pain and
devestation that I went through at that point in my life. We all have the "one who got away", but can it be possible to have more than one? Is it possible to truly love
more than one time in our lives? It's all what you believe in, I suppose.
Today I did come to the conclusion on at least one thing - I cannot be with someone who isn't strong enough to fight for what they believe in. I feel bad for that person,
though I could have been mislead with more lies and deception. I suppose I will find out the entire truth eventually.
Lately I've been surrounded by familiar faces, even though I feel as though I don't know who they are. Of course, I know who they are, so maybe it's me that I don't know
anymore? Am I living in a nightmare, or a dream that I enjoy too much to wake up from? It's getting hard to differentiate between days and hours, as everything is blending
together with no sign of separation. Is the world mad, or am I? And by mad, I don't mean angry; I mean insane.
Well, I became distracted and lost the rest of what I was going to write, so oh well. I'm going to space out and listen to music.
Next week I will be implementing a "Private" feature, as well as an IP blocker for the site.
