A lot of craziness has been going on lately. The release of Hangman SG has been pretty successful which gives me the ambition to start my next project. First, some shameless sales pitch: If you would
like to purchase a copy for the Sega Genesis, it is $30.00 and comes with the cartridge and case. Anyway, onto the next game:
I'm not releasing any details to the public about it, and only a small group of people who I'm working with on the project know some details about it. The story line isn't typed, but instead written in
a composition notebook, along with game ideas and mechanics. I call it my developers journal. I'm still working on the SRAM functions and making sure that I can get data to save on the hardware and not just
through emulation. I'm very close to finishing that aspect, so that's good. "Q" is doing a lot of conceptual artwork and CLoz is doing the music. Once I finish the SRAM functions, I will be starting some of
the initial graphics and get working on the engines (scrolling/map engines, battle engine, etc).
Alright, that's enough of the nerdy things, lets get into something more interesting and entertaining.
The last few days I've been doing nothing but filling the orders of the limited release of Hangman, and listening to a few songs over and over. The songs are: Spin Doctors - Two Princes, All That Remains - 2 Weeks,
Bullet For My Valentine - Tears Don't Fall, Seether - Fade Away, and UB40 - Only Fools Rush In. This is an internal sign for me. Not sure what it's a sign of, but I've finally stopped waking up in the middle of the night
to run to the bathroom to puke. Something is seriously twisting my mind in ways that I had tried to forget, but it's all coming back again. I'm not sure if I should go with it, stop it, or what. I feel like somehow that
everything will be different but unsure if it's a positive or negative kind of different.
I can only put a facade on for so long before I let out the things on the inside, and hopefully before that happens I have figured out what it is I'm going to do. So many unanswered questions that can't be asked right now,
and so many locked up thoughts that I am purposely trying to avoid; it's a struggle. I'm keeping busy so that I don't relapse into the person I was before, or relapse into the person I was at various stages in my life. Confused?
Good. You should be. Very few people will understand that because they either know how I am, or know what I've been through, or experienced the best and worst of me. Just know that I'm trying to be the better man in this situation
and trying to be realistic about everything.
Nobody likes feeling this way, well, most people don't. I know I don't, but I do. I do because it lets me know that I'm human; allows me to acknowledge that I haven't shut every feeling out leaving me to be numb to everything around
me. Let's face it, without humor, I have nothing. I know there hasn't been many entertaining posts lately on this site, but that's because I've been working on other things to help my future. Don't worry, I'll add in some humorous things
at the end.
Life has a very sick and twisted sense of humor. Just when you think that everything is starting to become a breath of fresh air, something happens to bring you back to a place where you once were. I know some people wish they had that kind
of effect on me; but that's rarely the case. Unfortunately, only a small handful of people have significantly impacked my life (both good and bad), and one of those people decided to come back into my life. It wasn't a small knock on
this metaphorical door, but more like a complete battering ram to rip through the walls. Was I surprised? Yes and no. I anticipated it happening eventually, but I wasn't sure on when, and nobody can predict the results of it either.
2011 started off beautifully, and it's continuing on in the same fashion. It's hard to imagine things have changed significantly over the last year, but deep down I know they have. Last year, I had spoken with my ex "Invent" for a little bit
to see how she was doing. The relationship wasn't much of a relationship; I think we dated for maybe 2 months, and never did a whole lot since she lived halfway across the state. It was good to hear that she's with the person that she
imagined, and then she had said "Adam, you're the kind of guy that probably won't last long in a relationship because I don't know many people who would be able to hold your interest. You're a complex person, and very special in a lot of ways that
it would be hard to keep someone by your side and not have you intimidate them." I was confused. She ended up telling me that every time we hung out, that she felt as though I would just get bored with her and that everything we were going to
do, she felt insignificant. I didn't mean for that to happen; I was just being a relaxed and laid back goofy person. Last week, maybe two weeks ago, another person had told me that I'm impossible to figure out. When I asked why, the response
was "Because you hide your intelligence and don't push yourself anywhere near where your full potential lies. You don't want anyone to know who 'Adam' is, and it seems like you hold back on everything you do." Weird. I never thought that I was
holding back from my full potential, though it does make sense.
Time for some humor. A few friends and I were discussing writing checks, and what would be the best things to write on them. You know, in the space on the bottom where you can say what the check was for, so you can keep it in your records. Here's the
list that I came up with:
- Mediocre Handjob
- Wet T-Shirt Contest
- Breast Augmentation
- Herpes Medication
- 4th Abortion Visit
- Penis Enlargement Pills
Also, if you post a "JOB WANTED" ad on Craigslist looking for "Mexican workers to fix your roof", I assure you, you will get a lot of hatemail.
And the last and final thing - even when you tell a girl flat out from the beginning that you don't want to date anyone, not even her, it will still become a headache. Nevermind the fact that you're a 31 year old virgin who still
lives at home with their parents, but why the fuck would you think that someone who stated, very boldly, that you don't want to date, makes you think that they secretly do? Of course, there are a few exceptions to every rule, but
only I know the exception(s), and if it isn't you, I will make that clear. Instead, I get this whole big thing on how amazing I am. What the fuck? Okay, I know I'm pretty damn awesome and all, but sucking ass isn't going to make me change
my mind. "I can't stop thinking about you", yea, well, like I said before "you should get a pet, or a friend". Then I get the "you need to move on from your ex". This seriously pissed me off. First - my ex has nothing to do with why
I don't want to date (okay, maybe she has a small part of it, I don't know), but my situation with my ex is nobody elses business. Quit prying you self righteous douchebag. "I'll treat you much better than your ex did". Okay, how do you know that
my ex wasn't the love of my life, or that she didn't treat me like a king? Quit assuming things you assfuck. "You're an asshole". No shit. "Well, I'm going to stop talking to you". Okay, bye! "You're really an asshole aren't you?". What did I
do to not make you think that? Honestly, there's a reason why this girl is still single. She's a moron. Why is it that when you just want friendship, someone can't handle that and ruins it. I guess somebody was right when they said "she just wants
to get in your pants".
Next post will be about how much I hate people who can't grow up. And Facebook. I have lots to say about that.
