"Closing time, Open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time, Turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl
Closing time, One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time, You don't have to go home but you can't stay here"
I've spent a lot of time writing up the stories and thoughts that I felt at various points in my life, and now I think it's time to close up
shop. I don't have much free time lately, as you can see, since it's been about 3 months since the last update. I have no desire to say what I've
been up to since there are a few people who read this site that I don't approve of them prying into my pesonal affairs (and no, it isn't TheEx that
I'm referring to).
I will leave the site up for a while, actually, probably for as long as I'm alive and able to. I'm sure I'll venture back and update the site at some point,
but right now I have no desire, nor the time, to keep up with putting content on here. So for those of you who were using this place as a way to keep the
memory alive with updates, or a way to connect to me in some way, I'm sorry to do this. I figured I'd at least let you know that I wasn't planning on any more
updates.
But have no fears. I will add in some thoughts and a quick update of everything, since I feel I at least owe my faithful readers that much.
Tonight I will be going to a concert that I know I will have a hard time struggling through emotionally. So many songs are tied to past memories, and it's going to be
challenging to keep everything bottled in until I can find some outlet for them. Theory of a Deadman along with Stone Sour and Halestorm (I don't care about
the other bands), all have songs tied into events in the past that I normally don't talk about. The following songs are going to be a wonderful time (sense the sarcasm, please): All of Nothing,
Not Meant to Be, By The Way (all by Theory), It's not You (Halestorm), Through the Glass, and Silly World (Stone Sour). I also have a feeling they may play Snuff by Slipknot (for
those that don't know, Stone Sour is made up of some members from Slipknot, and that song feels more like a Stone Sour song anyway).
Lately, I've been thinking about TheEx. It's strange. It's not that I want her back, but a lot of things I see, I think she'd enjoy as well, and while I could call her up, or e-mail her,
or go see her, it's best that I don't. It wouldn't cause problems for me, but for her it will, and it's not fair to inflict that kind of emotional damage on someone else. I really should clear that
up before you get the impression that I'm sort of complete douche bag: TheEx is married now (really long story that I don't feel the need to tell), however her husband is a complete jackass. Actually
he's a perverted, dirty man, who has a control complex and power struggle. He actually blocked my phone number, insisting I was calling TheEx, but it was her getting a hold of me to see how I was
doing and to mend a horrible breakup. That was all. Unfortunate for him, however, is my number is no longer blocked. Aren't ya glad you wasted money on something trivial ya fucking mook? Anyway, he
put her through a bunch of shit because we were talking every so often (it wasn't a daily thing, or weekly at that), just an occassional "Hey, how are you?" type thing. So, needless to say, I won't be
making any contact with her until she feels ready, though by then, it may be too late for me to answer, as saddened as I am to say that.
Things have changed drastically in the last year and some months, hell, things have changed drastically in the last 4 months, and things continue to change whether you're around or not. I'm not really
around much now, and I see these changes happening so quickly. Life brakes for nobody, so it's important to embrace each moment and treasure them every chance you get. Decisions have to be made, and not all
of them are the ones we want to make, but have to. Don't lie to yourself, or anyone else, and don't try fooling yourself into believing something makes you happen when it really doesn't. What we do today to
build our own futures will eventually catch up to us and things will be in the present, and then it will be too late to go back and fix things to make the present a better place for you and anyone involved.
I remember back in 2006, I had told my then girlfriend Cut that once I get a new job, things will be different. It didn't matter that the new job was only a few weeks away, she insisted that going back to her
ex was the best thing for her (well, after she had been caught out doing so). A month or so later, she realized that things would've been a lot different - a lot better for the both of us, had she waited. Things have
a funny way of working out, and after 3 years or so, we hung out and talked, and were mature enough to understand everything that had gone on. When I was dating her, I was living in my moms basement, stuck with
a shit ton of bills, and a full time student. She then saw since then that I bought a new car, a house, and finally had something to show for myself. We still talk on occassion, but we live separate lives now. She's
become a fading memory of the past, as does everyone who's not in your present. TheEx has started becoming a distant memory, and it's time to finally let go of that memory and move on and forward with my initial plans.
Oh, but how plans can change so quickly, without any warning as well. And things always happen for some strange reason or another. Like when I had first met TheEx. I was asked to fix her fathers computer, and I
was so hesitant to do so. I didn't want to, in fact, I tried getting out of it. I delayed it 2 days. Had I gone over when I initially said I would have, I would have met her on her birthday, but instead it was 2 days after.
Things could've been different, though it may not have been. I had planned on trying to get out of this state that year, but things changed. She changed my plans (though never knew about it).
While I always want to hold the bad things against her, I really only think about the good, most of the time. She was young, and I was blinded by a lot of other things that I wasn't doing, and both things is a recipe for
disaster. Of course, there are a few other variables involved, but I blame it on those 2 things, without getting into too much detail. I do wish her happiness, as she deserves it with being married to this dude, but I often
wonder if she'll ever be strong enough to fight for what she believes in, or just go with what she feels is acceptable in her situation. Only time will tell, and I may never find out, and I'm alright with that.
So there it is, the last update. I hope you've all enjoyed the stories, and maybe one day I'll return, or maybe this site will vanish completely. Only time will tell.
- Adam
