Before I had moved to Virginia I was working with my friend CLoz on starting up a band based in Rhode Island. We both played guitar, he had a drummer, and all we needed was a singer and a bass player.
One day, CLoz calls me up and tells me he found a female singer that wants to audition. He gave me the usual information - name, age, style of music, and so on. We set out to practice and audition this singer
who had previous told him that she sounds like Amy Lee (Evanescence), so we were both excited to have someone that had a really good voice to come into the band. Since she didn't know any of our songs,
we were going to have her since a cappella and then play our songs for her to see if there was a mutual connection in music tastes.
We get to the drummers house and set up our amps and warmed up to a few songs. A short while later, the singer comes on in with her boyfriend. We all shake hands and introduce ourselves, and we start playing
a song of ours to see if she was interested.
After the song was done, the singer appeared impressed and told us that she was into the same kind of music. This is where things went from good, to very, very bad.
ReallyBadSinger: Well, since I don't know any of your songs yet, I brought a karoake machine so I can sing to some music
CLoz: Oh...alright. Where is it?
ReallyBadSinger: Oh, it's right here
She held up what looked like a lunch box that you would have from kindergarten that was stickered with MTV Karoake Jukebox all over it and a Fisher Price microphone. CLoz looked at me and I had to turn around
I was laughing so hard. CLoz had no idea what to do and he managed to choke out an "okay" as she plugged in her toy.
After she was done the major setup of her gear, she put it on an Evanescence song that she was going to sing for us. I had hopes that her voice was better than her audition so far, but I couldn't help but keep
laughing. Her boyfriend was staring at me while he sat on an excercise bike and looked like he wanted to knock me out. Then she started to sing...
ReallyBadSinger: I'm sorry if I get a little shaky, I am kind of nervous ya know?
Me: (still laughing) It's alright, just do what you can
CLoz: No pressure, really...
And she began singing. Now, this girl had fluffed up her ability of singing to the point where we were expecting a really good voice. When she walked in with her MTV Karoake Jukebox, we all knew that this audition was
going to go really bad. As she was singing, I had to walk outside because it was that awful. CLoz stood there in amazement on how bad this girl was. If ears could bleed because of horrible singing, this girl would be the
cause for it. After her singing was over, I walked back inside to hopefully get her out of there and continue on with our regular practice.
ReallyBadSinger: What'd you guys think? I can sing another one if you want since you were outside for most of it
Me: No, I'm good
ReallyBadSinger: Are you sure? I don't mind
CLoz: No, really, we heard enough and we'll give you a call
ReallyBadSinger: What the fuck guys? Didn't you like it? I would make this band famous
CLoz: What. The. Fuck?
ReallyBadSinger: No, really, fuck you guys. I'm too good to be in this band. I've had record label offers and I'm fucking amazing!
Me: We never said anything bad... (I'm laughing) ... but you can go to those labels, I'm sure you'll be a star...that fell down a few flights of stairs
ReallyBadSinger: Fuck you guys. My equipment is much better than all of yours anyways, fucking amateurs
After her tantrum, she unplugged her lunchbox and ran out the door with her boyfriend. I guess she had called CLoz a few times after that, but he wouldn't answer.
Moral of the story? Don't let a singer audition if they're carrying in a lunchbox type of karoake thing that you would purchase for a 5 year old.
