Back when I was 15 years old I use to hang out with my neighbors all the time doing what all kids our age loved doing - playing video games. I had moved out of the 8-bit era into the world of 16-bit, and whenever I could, I would journey
into the world of 32-bit at my neighbors house. This one event was a special occassion though. We were getting ready to go on a paper route with my friends dad, which meant that we had to be fully rested by 1:30 in the morning. It was summer
time, and we hated going to bed early, especially when we were use to staying up late watching movies, gaming, or causing some kind of ruckus in the neighborhood. Anyways, we couldn't fall asleep. My friend's TV set had a built in Nintendo,
and he had quite the library of games for it, so we decided to pop in Final Fantasy and see how far we could get before we had to leave. It wasn't much past 10:00 PM, when we heard some strange noises coming from the other side of the wall.
I should probably take the time to explain how the apartments were set up, since it does play quite the roll in the story. In each building there are 6 apartments that are set up like condos. The upstairs has a bathroom and the 2nd bedroom that
faces the backyard, while the master bedroom faces the front yard. The 2 buildings form an L shape with about 15 feet in between the butting corners. I lived in one building, while my friend lived all of 100 feet away in the next building. The
walls between the apartments are nothing more than 2 sheets of drywall without insulation, so you can hear a pin drop or your fat neighbor snoring. Most of the tenants who lived there put their children in the 2nd bedroom while occupying the master
room for themselves. The rare exceptions were when there were 2 or more children and one of them wanted to turn the basement into their room...but anyways...
So my friend and I hear some weird noises coming through the wall. We turn the volume of the TV down so we could hear what was going on, when we started to hear our neighbors bed start to slowly hit the adjacent wall. The window fan that had been going
soon became unplugged and to our surprise, our neighbors window was also wide open. The both of us are trying to contain our laughter so we wouldn't give ourselves away, and the kid kept up his beat off session. The bed started to squeak, and the thumping
from the mattress into the wall picked up speed. Just when we were expecting to hear this fat kid completely lose himself in his man to hand loving, everything went silent. I thought we were done for. We hear him yell something down to his parents who
happened to be watching TV downstairs, and we heard a can of soda open up, and a big sigh after that first fresh taste. Confused, I looked at my friend and picked up the controller to the Nintendo, when the mattress started hitting the wall like a machine
gun firing off as if he were trying to save his life.
A few minutes later we heard the most girlish squeels coming from the other side of the wall, and that's when the unbelievable happened. He had started talking to himself.
We heard this: "What the...? Where'd it go? Hmmm..." So now we're wondering how the hell someone could...lose...their spunk, then sit around to look for it. I mean, wouldn't someone just figure "alright, I'm gonna go wash my hands and call it a night"? Nope.
He kept saying "Not on the pillow, not on the sheets... this is weird..." and then it happened. We heard coughing and gagging coming from his room. "Holy shit, I shot it in the pepsi can!"
Laughter erupted from my friends room that night, so loud that the fat kid next door had to have known at that moment that we knew he just drank his own man chowder.
We never said anything to him about what we heard, so it's very possible that he was just fucking with us, though I highly doubt he could come up with anything that entertaining on his own at that age. Whenever we'd go and hang out with him afterwards, we always
refused to drink anything at his house, especially if it were branded with the Pepsi logo or name... and people wonder why I drink diet coke...
